26 June 2016

I made it through the weekend and now I have a kid-free week.  What ever will I do?  Well while life is in “suck” mode, let’s pile some crappy things on top.  I went to the dentist Monday morning to finally take care of some fillings.  Last November the dentist said I had four cavities that needed to be filled from where they had taken the brackets and braces off my teeth.  I didn’t schedule it right away because a) I’d never had a cavity before and now I have four…I want a second opinion b) open enrollment is coming and I’m changing my dental insurance for braces for Felicity so it’ll be better to do it next year c) I forgot to schedule it after a while and d) isn’t that painful?  Let’s not.  I got there at about 8:30 and told him to do them all at once, turned out there were six. A couple hours, couple hundred dollars later I got to go into work with a numb face.  After work my mom and I went down to the only other Toyota dealership that I hadn’t visited and test drove some new and used Prius’.  Then we went and had dinner, and at this point I had decided on what I wanted, I just needed to decide if I wanted a brand new one, or a used one.  In the evening I continued the house de-cluttering task I had started the weekend before, cleaning the now reorganized and simplified downstairs.

In the morning when I got up I found my chickens had killed my little mama hen, so I had to bury her.  Tuesday evening we had mutual and painted Tee Shirts for our ward for girl’s camp.  They turned out so cute!  Then I went home and tackled the upstairs bathroom, hall closet, and Arlo’s room.  So much more to donate and throw away!  Starting to feel a twinge of normal in my everyday interactions again.  I was spending time watering in the garden and falling asleep without problems.  Finally broke out my journal and was able to write it out too.  That was good. 

Wednesday after work my parents met me at Desert Toyota and I looked over a little used 2014 Toyota Prius three that I had driven a couple days before.  It only had 12,000 miles on it and was in practically new condition.  While I had really liked the new one I drove, this one was significantly less expensive and seeing how I had just gotten myself out of some debt, this was the more prudent choice.  It took FOREVER of course to haggle on the price and then get the papers signed and the financing worked out.  They made me stand in front of a confetti gun and pose for pictures, not my favorite!  But in the end I have a car that will be dependable and comfortably seats my family and gets 50 MPG!

Back upstairs for cleaning and purging, this time the sister’s room.  I worked in there for four hours and didn’t even get it all gone through.  It took Wednesday and Thursday night to get their room done!  I kept working Friday, but took a midday break and did something I never do,  I went clothes shopping.  I bought myself a new pair of boots, some jeans, a dress, and a couple of blouses.  It was nice.  Friday after shopping I went and picked up the kids from their father and they got to ohh and ahh over the new car.  We had Chipotle for dinner (the only thing that has even remotely sounded good to eat in the last two weeks) and then watched a movie together when we got home. 

I had our annual Girl’s Camp Kickoff Saturday morning and left the kids at home.  They were very good and I checked in on them a couple times; they were much happier at home than if they had come with me and I was only a minute and a half away.  We completed lots of certifications and our youth leaders did an admirable job of teaching.  I was grateful for overcast skies as I was working outside with the girls teaching outdoor cooking and fire building.  The sunless sky just hampered our solar oven cooking a bit!  I was there from about 7 am – 2 pm.  I was tired by the time we were done!  I took the kids grocery shopping with me and then we played in the backyard until dinner time.  I wished I had been able to finish up cleaning out the house before the kids came home, but I will just have to work on it this week a little each evening until it gets done.

We enjoyed our meetings on Sunday and when we were done we took dinner over to Nana and Papa’s house to celebrate Father’s Day.  Since the kids had been away, we didn’t get to celebrate last week.  Life is good and wonderful and beautiful.  I’m blessed with wonderful children, a great home, a marvelous family and ward family, a good job that allows me to adequately care for my family.  I am thankful.  I am going to focus on being a good mom, improving myself the best I can, working toward being debt free, and putting money away to be able to buy a home on property where I can properly stretch my wings. 

19 June 2016

Sigh, so this was one of the worse weeks of my life.  Seriously in the top five for most painful, sad, despaired filled weeks I’ve experienced in my 35 years.  And what can you do?  Or more appropriately, what could I do?  I can’t hide in bed and not function; I have a job to keep, kids to feed, obligations to fulfill.  So you get up in the morning and you stand in front of the bathroom mirror, face exhausted, eyes swollen, the nagging train of thoughts that only stopped when you were too exhausted to hear them anymore the night before pick right back up where they left off, and you say to yourself:  “We are going to brush our teeth”.  “Just brush your teeth, that’s all I’m asking, let’s get through that and then we’ll handle the next two minutes.”  And that’s the way you handle the day.  That’s the way I handled the day.  And you tell yourself everyday it’s going to get a little easier, a little better.  And it did.  I feel bad because I couldn’t entirely shield my children from my bad week.  On Tuesday morning I woke up to find Felicity had come in my room that night and camped out by the bed, Wednesday morning all three of them were sleeping on the floor around the bed, as if to say “we’re not sure what’s going on, but we are here and we’ll protect you”.  I feel bad they have to feel that, grateful that I have them.

We had a girl’s camp meeting Tuesday night and my part of that went fairly smoothly. 

One of my favorite scriptures is Philippians 4:6-7, and by Wednesday that “peace that surpasses all understanding” finally came and in part and I felt some of the weight I’d been struggling to breathe under lift and some of the pain dissipate.  I decided that to help me feel some semblance of control in my life, I needed to assess what I could change or control and act upon that.  So after much prayer and deliberation I came to the conclusion that it was time to let go of my suburban and downsize to a much smaller and more economical car that was right for the family I have right now.  I know that I’ve held onto that beast as my last straw, final resort, gripping to a life that I had wanted, but has eluded me.  So I spent the latter part of the week researching vehicles and visiting the dealerships taking test drives.  It just so happens that this month I paid off the suburban and the one large debt left over from the divorce.  I was also able to make arrangements to pay off a significant amount of other debt I had.  So as it stands, I owe on my house and I have one student loan left, and that’s it and that feels good. 

We went to the movies Thursday night and saw “Alice Through the Looking Glass”.  The girls really loved it, Arlo sat still and enjoyed it, but I don’t think he was as entertained as they were.  Friday morning I worked and in the afternoon we went with Melynda and her family to see “Finding Dory”.  The kids liked it alright, but I didn’t think it was all that fabulous.  In the evening the kids went to spend the week with their father.   I went and had my nails done (it feels good for my soul to do something nice for me) and then took Evan and Sydney with me car shopping and to dinner.  It was pretty late when we got back home.   In addition to a car, I also made plans to do a purge and deep clean of the house, it’s been about three years and it was due.  Again, that helps me feel like I’m making progress and have some control.  I was up early on Saturday morning and cleaned the garage, going through things and throwing stuff away and donating things I don’t use.  Next I moved on to the entry way closet.  Again organizing and getting rid of things.  I got some new bins for storage and hung a tension rod in the bottom of the closet with clips to hang our boots.  The family room game storage and piano bench next…the house is starting to look like it exploded.  Every drawer open, every cabinet wide, undiscernible (except to me) piles everywhere.  I feel a little manic, but it feels better than that other feeling.  By 3PM I’ve taken two suburban-full loads of stuff to donation and now I start pulling apart the kitchen.  It was very late by the time I gave up for the night, reasoning no one would be coming in the house in a few days and it was ok to leave it in a state of chaos.

Sunday morning I was at the stake center early for stake conference where I had been asked to give the opening prayer.  I’m grateful I was asked, I needed to be there.  I went out in my garden for the first time all week later that morning, to find it mirrored how I had felt.  Brown patches of grass, some plants completely dead some clinging desperately to life.  I felt so badly.  Badly for all my hard work wasted, badly that I hadn’t even wanted to come out to my happy place, badly that it would take so much work to love it better again.  The monsoons are coming and the rain will help me make it all better.  The rest of my day was uneventful, just trying to keep my head up and waiting for enough days to pass to put my hard week behind me. 

12 June 2016

My parents arrived in Rocky Point Monday afternoon with the kids and I stayed the night with them in their condo.  I enjoyed a real shower and air conditioning and a real bed.  The kids played in the pool and we had a nice time.  By the time the tide was getting ready to come back in the kids wanted to go back to the cabin and play with the other kids.  They had SO much fun.  I was much more at ease this year as the girls have become much more reliable swimmers and the water was not too deep for Arlo.

We went out to dinner with Nana and Papa one evening and they came to the cabin for lunch and to watch the kids play in the water one afternoon.  We enjoyed Thrifty’s Ice Cream and played cards and relaxed.  The kids went to catch lizards one afternoon and brought them back to share with everyone.  Helen really enjoyed it, Felicity was repulsed, and Arlo was actually rather indifferent.  Later in the week the tide had become poor in the bay so we went to one of the resorts and swam in the pool.  Friday it was actually a little overcast and sprinkled on us while were in the pool.  One of the highlights of the trip for the kids was the guy selling mangos on the beach near the resort.  He had peeled, sliced, and mounted on a stick a juicy ripe mango.  The kids had theirs plain, I enjoyed mine with lime and chili powder, so tasty!

One afternoon we went over to the north beach where the wind had stirred up some nice waves.  The kids LOVED this.  We had them in the life jackets and they played in the surf for the longest time.  The girls managed to stay on their feet, Arlo, being the more adventurous one, would get out a little too far and then get rolled.  I tried to take him out a little further but ended up with a wave taller than me that smacked us down and pushed us along, I laughed pretty hard, it was fun.  After a while the little kids went back to the cabin with Melynda and I stayed with the big kids and Felicity out in the water.  I swam her out a ways, past where the waves were breaking, and we swam and jumped and dived in to the pretty waves.  Felicity said it was her favorite part of the whole trip.  We stayed until the kids started to complain because their life vests were rubbing under their arms.

We packed up Friday night and were ready to go late Saturday morning. We were pretty tired and ready to be home.  The kids were so good in the car on the way home and I’m so grateful for how well the truck did.  It’s starting to give me problems so I was a little weary about taking it down there.  We didn’t have to wait at the border at all and had no trouble getting back into the United States.  The kids and I stopped for fast food for dinner on the way home. 

I had left the AC off while we were gone and it took quite a while for the house to cool back down.  I even found one of my decorative candles had melted!  I started the mountain of sandy laundry and putting things away.  We sat down to watch a movie together and relax and all ended up asleep on the couch.  We enjoyed our meetings on Sunday.  It was a nice vacation, I am very grateful to have been invited!

 

05 June 2016

We had a fun and busy week.  We enjoyed our Memorial Day holiday and time together.  I did end up working a few hours to save for our upcoming vacation.  I spent much of the evening making a birthday cake.  I think it turned out darling!  Tuesday the kids went to the ranch for the birthday party and I had to work late.  In the evening I had young women’s and we made hearts and cards to take to some of the elderly sisters in our ward.  I am really growing to love each of the girls as I get to know them better and feel so blessed to work with such great leaders too.  Serving in the Young Women’s program has been such a fun experience so far!

The kids went to stay with their father Wednesday night and I did laundry and packed.  I also ended up making nine dozen breakfast muffins and three dozen cupcakes.  It was a lot of work!  I worked from home on Thursday until it was time to go.  I headed down to Rocky Point Thursday afternoon with all of our stuff, the kids will be following me down with my parents on Monday.  We arrived just in time for sunset on the beach…lovely.  We went out in the bay after dark and went spearing sting rays…mark it as yet another first for me.  Well, let’s be honest, I TRIED to spear sting rays, I missed on all my attempts, but it was fun just the same.  I’m so grateful for all the fun experiences and new things I’ve gotten to try and experience over the last year or so.  I stayed at Bruce’s hip the whole time, holding the flashlight and shuffling my feet just absorbing everything he had to say.  Before we ventured out, he had told me to change out of my pants and into some shorts because I’d be up to my knees in the water.  Well, I came back with zero sting rays and soaked up to my chest!  It was fun.  The weather was mild and there was a nice breeze, and I will even venture to say that I got a little chilly that first night.

I got to enjoy my scriptures and the sunrise in the morning, and then I went out about a mile to where the tide had gone and looked for seashells and sand dollars.  In the afternoon we played in the water, sat on the beach, floated in a tube, and I even caught a nap on the porch.  I got myself a really nice tan (and one area of sunburn).  I did something I have never done before.  I had watched this little clip online before the trip about what is important to our kids in the summer.  The idea is that our kids will not remember how badly, or saggy, or pudgy, or old we look in our bathing suits.  They will remember that we got in the water with them.  That we swam, dove, snorkeled, tubed, and splashed with them.  So that being said, I put on a real bathing suit, without a pair of shorts or silly skirt thing, no shirt--thundery white dimpled thighs exposed, tummy pudging, arm flaps waving, and got in the water like nobody would care; and to my knowledge nobody did (at least that is to say nobody audibly wretched when I came out into the water).  In the evening on Friday I went out with the boys fishing.  Ah, something I’ve done before and don’t feel completely incompetent at.   I figured as long as I didn’t have the kids to worry about, I could go and do those sort of things.

We attended Sacrament meeting in the little Spanish speaking branch on Sunday which was nice.

29 May 2016

We did it!  First week of summer is in the books!  Oh, happy day, it was so nice to not have to get up so early to get everyone ready for school.  It was so nice not having to cram evening activities, dinner, scriptures, reading, and prayers into what seemed like 34 minutes.  We had such an awesome week!

The kids spent an extra night with their father and were with him on Monday.  The sisters started swim team this week and loved it!  They have practice each morning and are napping in the afternoon because its wearing them out.  I'm so grateful for friends who have volunteered to pick them up in the morning and take them to practice for me.  Tuesday evening we had mutual and the kids came with me and were so good.  I'm grateful I can tote them along with me wherever I need to go and for the most part they are well behaved and flexible.

Just four practices in, the girls had their first practice swim meet.  They each did two events and got a feel for what a meet was like.  Felicity swam a 50 meter back stroke and didn't do too badly at all, she also swam a 50 meter freestyle and struggled toward the end.  I was proud of her for persevering.  Helen swam a 25 meter backstroke and 25 meter freestyle.  Her back stroke went well, but when she jumped in for her free style she bobbed in the water for a moment looking around trying to see what the other kids were doing!  She was confused as to which one was free style.  That girl.  Once she got going she did alright.  They had fun and they're learning and so for that I'm grateful.

The kids got to go to the ranch on Friday and I worked on my "off-Friday" to earn some extra time off.  I am so appreciative of the flexibility in my schedule.  In the evening we had dinner in the family room and watched a movie together.  I'm really enjoying the low-key summer schedule.  Saturday morning we had a funeral to attend and then we did our shopping and cleaning and some chores in the garden.  The garden has been so fruitful.  I pulled in full-sized tomatoes this week, more green beans, and the first of the okra.  The grass is nice and green and the mulberry tree has finally gotten large enough to provide some real shade to a portion of the yard.  In the afternoon we put on our bathing suits and played in the kiddy pool in the backyard.

Saturday evening we baked some goodies together and played a board game.  Felicity and I worked on her hunter safety class online, she's been enjoying that.  It was nice to sit in a clean house at the end of a very busy and tiring day and know that I'd have an extra day off on Monday.  Our Sunday was nice, we enjoyed our meetings.  I didn't sub anywhere so it was nice and relaxing.  We went to my mom and dad's for lunch and a visit after church and then to Melynda's in the evening to finalize the plans for our trip down to Rocky Point. 

We hope that everyone has a restful, safe and happy Memorial Day on Monday.  Happy Summer!!

22 May 2016

Come on Summer Vacation!  It was a busy last week of school and I’m glad to have it behind us.  Monday brought the news that Felicity had won the Sahuarita Intermediate School Science Fair.  She was elated “we won, mom!”  I guess they had a first, second, and third in each individual class and then the first place winners in each of the classes competed for a first place overall which she won.  I was proud of her and our hard work.  I better start coming up with a good idea for Helen’s!  We had a family home evening lesson and then we baked cookies for our teachers' gifts as our activity.

Tuesday the kids had fun events they were looking forward to at school.  Felicity was having a cook out using a solar oven she built in class and Helen had a movie day.  The girls went to the ranch after school with Melynda and then Felicity had activities days in the evening.  Wednesday Helen woke up sick so I stayed home with her.  By the time Felicity got home, she was feeling ill as well.  My mom came and babysat for me so that I could attend Kayla’s high school graduation.  It was fun to attend and remember my own graduation, some things have changed drastically, some, not so much! 

I was home again on Thursday not feeling well myself.  I used the time to make a birthday gift of homemade pajamas and a couple dozen cookies.  The girls were ecstatic to come home from their last day of school and now I’ve got a bunch of papers to go through and throw away.  Arlo seemed unaware of the “last day of school” phenomenon and didn’t seem to comprehend the extra hugs and goodbyes.  I’m sure he’ll pick up on it in a couple of weeks.  We played and then in the evening did dinner and bathes and then I drove the kids to my parent’s house where they were spending the night.  I had to work Friday, so the kids spent the night at Nana’s and stayed there until their dad picked them up for their weekend visit.

Friday was quiet.  I worked and then headed home in the evening.  With the kids at their dad's, I did some chores around the house and some running around.  I baked a cake and prepared meals for the coming week.  Saturday morning I was up early and got a head start on working in the yard.  I mowed and edged the lawn, weeded, cleaned out the chicken coop and did some harvesting.  I harvested 3.3 pounds of green beans from my garden.  They are gorgeous and there are still lots I left on the bushes.  In the evening I went and saw the new Captain America movie which was fun.

Sunday was lovely.  I subbed as the chorister for Sacrament meeting, subbed in Primary teaching the CTR 7 class, and then got to go to young women’s.  Sydney, Addison, and Isaiah wanted to come home with me after church so I brought them home with me.  They played with the chick, ate tomatoes, beans, and peas straight out of the garden and Isaiah watered for me.  We had lunch and then made some banana bread.  While we waited for our bread to cool, we laid out towels in the grass and laid under the tree.  I took them home around four o'clock and stayed for dinner and homemade ice cream.  It was such a beautiful evening.  I sat on the back porch for quite a while watching the kids play and enjoying the weather.  I ended up staying quite late, reading to the kids and helping to put them to bed.  My kids stayed one extra night with their dad so they weren't home yet.  I'm looking forward to the coming week and am hoping to get in some extra exercise and time with the kids.  Happy summer!