It was an eventful week and even though our little family
has challenges I most often sit in my rocking chair in the evening and feel an
immense, almost tangible, sense of contentedness and joy. We’ve got our schedule and routine down well
and it helps us to manage our day and alleviate what I’m sure would otherwise be
a chaotic and stressful home; although, I don’t discount the power of many
prayers said by us and those said on our behalf.
On Tuesday morning I left work around 9AM to head to
Superior Court for my final divorce hearing.
I checked in at 9:15 and was asked to wait in the hallway until 10:30
when the judge started hearing cases.
I
picked a good spot, where I could see quite a bit of the building and settled
in for the long wait with the intention to play on my phone.
I was, however, too distracted by all the
people to watch.
There were people who
were walking away happy, mother’s walking beside adolescences who had gotten
themselves in trouble, the mother wearing the majority of the guilt and worry on
her face.
I was impressed with the
security guards who were jovial and polite to everyone they encountered.
Lawyers in suits, people in flip flops and
cut offs.
It was quite the cross section
of humanity! I was captivated.
We were called to the court room around 10:40, I say we
because there were about twelve cases being heard with mine and we all went
into the court room together.
I got to
sit and listen to all the cases.
Marriages with children, marriages without.
Marriages that included violence, marriages
that included substance abuse, marriages with incarcerated spouses.
My heart broke for those around me,
I literally
had to wipe tears away a few times, it just seemed like such a tragedy.
I doubt on their wedding days that anyone
there thought that this situation would arise.
I was surprised at how quickly and easily each case was resolved, some
in less than five minutes (although it should be noted that these were all
default cases that were uncontested).
I
was second to last when I was sworn in and called to step before the judge.
She asked me the rehearsed questions, without
really looking at me as she began to flip through the papers in front of
her.
When she was satisfied that her questions
were resolved she signed the documents and it was over.
It seems as if I should feel morose and sad,
but I don’t.
When considering the stages
of loss and grieving, I clearly see how I accomplished each of the steps before
I conceded that my union was irrevocably damaged, my trust and security obliterated; my arriving at this
conclusion was the acceptance stage for me.
I have nothing but hope and faith to move forward with.
I was blessed with a Relief Society activity in the evening on Tuesday.
It was nice to be with some of my best friends and enjoy some adult
time.
On Wednesday Felicity said that her throat hurt and she didn't feel well. Instead of waiting it out, like I tried to last time, I just made an appointment with the pediatrician and kept her home. I took Helen to school and Arlo to day care and then Felicity and I headed to Tucson for her appointment. It wasn't a recurrence of the strep throat, only a viral infection. Since there wasn't anything to be done, she and I decided that we would make the most of our day together. We went to lunch with my Mom and then Felicity and I went shopping. We picked up an Eegee on our way home and had a nice day together, despite her not feeling well. In the evening the kids were really quite unmanageable and they each earned an early trip to bed. It was a nice reprieve for me and I caught up with some work, and reclaimed some of my missed hours. I ran on the treadmill and had ample time to write in my journal and study the scriptures before I headed to bed after what had turned into a pretty long day.
Thursday was a little bit rough. I wasn't feeling great, having caught a bit of whatever Felicity had and homework and dinner time was very chaotic. Arlo wanted to be held while I made dinner, crying and whining. Nobody liked the dinner I made
so I got to hear about that throughout the meal, with no regard to the time I spent in preparing it with a crying toddler underfoot. We are not going to have have hotdogs, pizza, and chicken nuggets for dinner every night, we'll have to find some middle ground! We had baths and things quieted down enough that we were able read and enjoy the rest of our evening. I worked on Friday and the day went smoothly. After work, my parents took us to dinner for my birthday. We went to Red Lobster and I splurged on coconut shrimp, it was divine! The kids enjoyed dinner and Nana and Papa treated them to ice cream afterward.
I decided that I wanted to spoil the kiddos for my birthday, so after we got home from dinner Friday night, I spent the rest of the night doing all my cleaning and laundry so that we would be free for fun on Saturday. We had cinnamon rolls for breakfast, then we ran/biked to the park. We played for about an hour and then came home. I'm really impressed with how quickly Helen has picked up riding her bike, Felicity was always so fearful. Speaking of Felicity, I think its time to take the training wheels off her bike as they seem to be more of a hindrance than a help.
After a shower we headed to Pizza Hut for lunch. The girls both earned coupons for a free personal pizza through the "Book It" program for reading so much last month. I got Arlo his own pizza and I had a trip to the salad bar. Then we went to the Reid Park zoo. It was a beautiful day and lots of animals were out and about. Felicity and Helen loved the aviary and Arlo was excited about the giraffes. We went to McDonald's after for a sundae and to play while we killed some time. Then we went to the movie theater and saw Planes (thanks to Aunt Emily). We had popcorn and candy and Arlo was mostly good. It was a fun day, I hope the kids felt loved, it was the best way I could have spent my birthday.
We really enjoyed our Sunday meetings and in the afternoon Jeff came and picked the kids up to spend the Veteran's day holiday with him. I ventured into Tucson for my first singles fireside. It wasn't quite what I expected, so I think I'll have to give a few more of them a try. I feel so loved and so blessed and I have so much joy in my life.
